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https://youtu.be/r7XJ6b5VWvU?si=ZEqJCpxynD75FJE_

Is it ok to speak? I'm a firm believer in

Stew's - "It's not weak to speak!"

But I will say, be prepared for the negativity that comes with it. I can promise you that their will be a lot of people that, stops talking to you, say you are doing it for attention, that no one wants to hear about it, say you are ruining peoples mood, and everybody gets sad.... Be prepared for a lot of people to walk out your life, they have and they did. All of these things has happened to me the last few weeks. I even had it happen since I've made and posted this video, I've lost subscribers🤷🏽‍♂️

I wish that I was just sad... I was diagnosed at age twelve with major reoccurring depression, and severe ADHD. And as an teen and into my adult years, I masked all of that with happiness, joking, being the funny one, not needing anything, and being agreeable. I was the listening ear that everyone needed, and the nonbiased one that will give the best advise. But when I couldn't laugh thing off anymore and asked for help it was no where to be found... In the last five years, I've been on life support, had several other medical issues that could have killed me, as well as the suicidal thought and suicidal ideologies. Which brings me to current day. First of the year my wife started having what we now know are Psychogenic nonepileptic seizures (PNES). She was the main source of income in our home due to my medical issues the last few years. And she hasn't been able to work nor do things at home. So I have been trying my best to do all the house work, keep up with bill, drive her and myself to places we need to be, and I have documented and recorded pretty much every episode she has had.

Even though she has said that I'm doing a good job. Everyone and I do mean everyone with exception of my wife, and three of our female friends, has said that I'm not doing enough. and that I'm the cause of her condition. Even though she has had them when, I was in the hospital with a heart issues from the stress of all of this. We don't have any income, no food assistance, and I've been selling off my stuff like crazy to keep the utilities on. But last week the power was cut, and an application for assistance was denied because I didn't turn paperwork in on time (one of my adhd executive function deficiencies) And I reached out to a few friends and told them I was on the edge and didn't think I could do this anymore and that life wasn't for me... I was met with "you will be ok, we all have tough times" The next day, right before the first scenes in this video, I had decided that I was going to end my life. I only had 1s batts charged and decided that I wanted to take one last flight... after I went in and had gone to my office, my wife started having a slightly worse than mild episode. These present the same as epileptic seizures. As I recorded her, i looked over at my fur babies, and then back at her. And wanted to want to stay, but even that didn't make the feeling and decision to subside. as she came out of her episode, the first thing she said, almost as if she knew, she said "please stay..." Once she was fully aware, she said that if no one else loves me that she did, and no matter what anyone else say, she needs me, and the fur babies need me. And then opened my eyes to the fact that, indeed no one had helped us in the six months this was going on....

I stayed for my family. Amanda my wife, and my fur shit's Zoey, Chloe, Speedy, and Lewi.

I've been saying "ONE SECOND!" One second can change your life, and one second did. My wife saying that, broke my thought and plans for one second.... And because of that I'm still here. I know that this wont get read, but if one person does, know that its gonna be tough, and that thing will crumble beneath your feet. But please, choose life, I know that deep down I'm gonna always be a little scared of myself. And I have to do my best to live with that. But for now I stay for them. But at some point I hope I stay for me.

It's Not Weak to Speak! And just take One Second!

You are Loved, You are Cared About, You are Worthy of Life, and You are Necessary!

Choose to Stay! 🖤